A Look Inside: A Little Insight - Exerpt from my "Diary of a Bipolar Woman"

My doctors often told me to write down my feelings, that I should keep a journal.  I love to write, so that's exactly what I started doing.  Writing my mind, my conscience thoughts down in my online diary, "Diary of A Bipolar Woman".  This way I get to do what I love, write.  And I get to keep a record in writing all my most inner thoughts and feelings down in my diary to have on hand for therapy or even a book someday, should I choose to go that route. 

My diary is online for those looking for insight, understanding or fellowship in what you may also be going through or know someone who is.  I don't highly publicize it as they are my my private inner thoughts and feelings, but I do have it out there to help those that really need help or just could use the kinship.  At any rate, I thought I would from time to time publish an occasional excerpt from my diary here on my Mental Health Matters page for those that are genuinely interested.  I hope it helps you in some small way. 

Thoughts from my conscience - "Tuesday, May 20, 2010. Sometimes my outer shell (body) doesn't seem to want to cooperate with my mind. This is what I find most frustrating about Bipolar. No matter what the mood, ups or downs, now that I'm on my medications regularly the occasional blasts of energy levels I had are slim to none now. That's the down side to being regulated on medication. Your moods are more stabilized, but your physical energy diminishes. Often times now, it's just my mind that seems to have the changes in activity and creativeness while my body always feels exhausted. Every now and then, I do still get those bursts of energy, but not near enough to suit me or what I need to function in the world normally...energy wise.  It is such a gorgeous beautiful day outside today! I am hoping to take my puppy to the park later for a walk. One thing is for certain though. I will have to prepare my mind and more or less talk myself into going all day and hopefully in the end, my mind will win out over my tired exhausted body. As this is pretty much how it is with anything that takes physical activity or requires being in public or being social.  Most people would never guess that about me, because they think I'm somewhat outgoing. Truth is, my personality is somewhere in between.... I'm neither an introvert, nor extrovert, but a perfect balance of both. The problem is my Bipolar and actually even bigger problem is when it comes to my social anxiety. Again, most people to see me and talk to me in public would never guess what I go through privately, and what I am constantly battling to be out in the world. It is an inner battle and constant internal fight and struggle within myself. It may sometimes look effortlessly to the outside world, but is tumultuous to me on the inside." 
   
Again, please keep in my these are my most private inner thoughts and feelings, so your utmost respect, understanding and privacy is expected and greatly appreciated.